Dealing with Anger and Practicing Forgiveness: A Buddhist Perspective

A candle of hope, love and forgiveness

Anger is one of the most powerful emotions we experience. It can rise suddenly, burn intensely, and leave behind a residue that affects not only ourselves but also those around us. In Buddhism, anger is considered one of the “three poisons” of the mind, along with greed and ignorance. These poisons cloud our clarity, distort our view of reality, and bind us to cycles of suffering.

Yet, Buddhism doesn’t ask us to repress anger or pretend it doesn’t exist. Instead, the practice is about understanding anger deeply, transforming it, and ultimately freeing ourselves through compassion and forgiveness.

Understanding the Nature of Anger

From a Buddhist point of view, anger arises from unmet expectations, attachment to “how things should be,” or fear of loss. It comes when reality clashes with our desires. But at its root, anger is not our true nature—it is a passing mental state.

The Buddha taught that when we hold on to anger, it’s like “holding a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else—you are the one who gets burned.” By recognising anger as impermanent and not-self, we create the first step toward letting it go.

Mindful Awareness: Meeting Anger with Presence

Mindfulness is the tool Buddhism offers to work with anger. When we notice anger arising, instead of reacting impulsively, we pause and breathe. This small moment of awareness creates space between the stimulus and our reaction.

A simple practice is to silently say: “Breathing in, I know anger is here. Breathing out, I smile to my anger.” This doesn’t mean approving of the anger—it means acknowledging it with kindness, without letting it control us.

Forgiveness as Compassion in Action

Forgiveness in Buddhism is less about condoning harmful behavior and more about releasing the burden we carry when we cling to resentment. It is an act of compassion—for ourselves and others.

When we forgive, we recognize that those who harmed us are also caught in cycles of ignorance and suffering. Just as we wish to be free from anger, we can wish the same for them. Forgiveness then becomes not weakness, but profound strength—an active choice to stop passing suffering from one being to another.

A Buddhist meditation practice called metta bhavana (loving-kindness meditation) supports forgiveness. By repeating phrases like, “May I be free from anger. May you be free from suffering,” we soften the walls of resentment and allow compassion to flow.

The Freedom of Letting Go

Clinging to anger is heavy; forgiveness is light. When we release anger through mindfulness and compassion, we not only heal ourselves but also contribute to peace in our relationships and communities.

Buddhism reminds us that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing harm. It means freeing our hearts so that wisdom and compassion can guide us, rather than hatred and fear.

Reflection

Dealing with anger and practicing forgiveness is not a one-time act—it’s an ongoing practice. We will feel anger again, and we will be challenged to forgive again. But each time we return to awareness, compassion, and letting go, we strengthen the habit of peace.

As the Dhammapada says:

“Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is an eternal law.”

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